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Artist Statement

林衍馨_小城酷暑的多肉植物 A Plant in Matera during S

陽光斜斜照進來的清晨,看細瘦的仙人掌在太多雨水的環境裡賣力生長繁茂,冬天門窗沒有很密閉的房間有點冰冰的羽絨被與臉貼著的觸感,橘紅色的斜陽,木褐色的窗櫺,夜裡鄰家遲沒維修的警報器逼逼得響了徹夜。

 

日子時而微醺得難以分辨喜傷,小王子在小小的星球上轉動著小小的椅子飽覽落日。大自然承受著我們的諸多,夕陽滾落的太快,在太大的星球就漸漸學會了珍惜經歷過的短暫,捕捉了剎那。

 

時常脆弱,但我依然深信著力量。我盼望自己哪日真能埋進土裡做種子被用盡,去滋養伸手給其他的生命,即使我只是畫畫的人。但我希望可以有這樣的盼望,用能力所及去盼望,好好地把自己安靜整理好,疼惜包裹每個傷口,方能給予。所以我在創作過程中去誠實面對每一個殘破,去修補、去重畫,像所有不可能完好的生命,所有拼貼起來的完整。

 

我奮力記得且記下每個真誠的開心,例如喝蘋果汁的時候,聽到好聽旋律的時候,染好一張裱紙的時候,煮喜歡的義大利麵的時候,看小朋友吃義美霜淇淋的時候,還有跟上帝說我想要體力就有體力的那個下午。我很努力的記得這些味道,像千尋記得自己的名字。回應著這些理所當然在我們脆弱身邊跟著我們的力量,他們像陽光、像仙人掌,像羽絨被、如斜陽,如窗櫺,如久而未見的星斗。

 

At dawn, a slanting ray of sunshine peeps in, and a skinny cactus fights for survival in a place soggy with rain. In a room with a door and window never closed tight enough during winter, I lie under the down comforter, somewhat cold to the touch of my face. A red-orange sun slanted in through the wooden-brown window frames, recalling the beeping all night from a neighbor’s alarm long in need of repair. 

 

There are times when it is so intoxicating that you have forgotten how to tell joy from bitterness, like the Little Prince who can look at sunsets all the time from the tiny planet, just by moving his small chair. The nature has endured too much from us, and the sun always sinks too fast at dusk. We, who live on this too-big planet, have learned in time how to capture the moment, cherishing the experiences that come and go. 

 

Fragile as I usually am, I believe in the strength in me. How I wish someday to be buried and used up like seeds in the earth to nourish other lives, despite being someone who only knows how to paint. I retain the hope, with all my might, to sort everything out and dress every wound with care, before reaching out to others. Thus in the process of artistic creation, I would like to acknowledge, fix and repaint every imperfection, as if seeking to piece together all the inevitable blemishes in life and make it whole. 

 

I do my best to memorize every heartfelt joy – when drinking apple juice, when hearing beautiful tunes, when finishing dying a piece of mounted paper, when cooking my favorite pasta, when seeing a kid eating I-Mei soft serve, or when feeling energized after praying to God for energy in one particular afternoon. I make every effort to remember all the tastes of life, like Chihiro in Spirited Away who tries hard to remember her name. Though taken for granted, strength arises in the face of foibles; it is the sun, the cactus, the down comforter, the slanting sun, the window frames, and the long-lost star, found at last. 

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